How can you ensure that all your potential customers really, really hate your website and also despise your company?
Why would you want to do that? Is there a competition of the most hateful website going on? If you look around the internet, it certainly looks like it.
It is time to beat these amateurs, use all the methods below and create a website that is as frustrating as possible. *
Tactic 1: Make your website really slow
And when I say slow, I mean really slow. If you want your prospect to be irritated, you must ensure that you use the worst possible web hosting. Use a general “catch-all” hosting for 2.99 euros per month. Your customers don’t realize how expensive hosting is nowadays and just can’t appreciate your money-saving attitude.
In addition, you must use a heavy WordPress theme and at least 30 plugins. Your code will not know what to do with all this information. This will delay your website even more. That is exactly what we want.
Tactic 2: Make sure your forms crash regularly
Think of all the complex forms that you have on your website (hopefully you have a number?). Make sure that your visitor wastes 10 minutes filling in your form and that an error message occurs afterwards, as a result of which all his entered data will be deleted. He will be so frustrated that he will probably shout at his screen and leave your website immediately.
This is super. You have killed every opportunity for your company in a few minutes. Doing well.
Tactic 3: Don’t talk about how you help people
Look, you’re amazing. And your business is almost as great. People don’t care about solutions. They care about you! So keep talking about yourself!
Use an entire section on your homepage to talk about your awards. You get bonus points if you put this in a slideshow, which goes to the next image way too fast. That way you get people irritated, but well, that’s their problem.
After you have talked about yourself here and there, make sure that you focus on how inadequate your competitors are. People can’t stand arrogance, so talking negatively about your competitors is definitely a letdown.
Tactic 4: Make unsubstantiated claims
This tactic is super easy. Are you a mediocre plumber with a bad reputation in Utrecht? Tell people that you are the best plumber in the Netherlands. That will make them hot. Especially if they have already used your services themselves and know that it is not true.
Unfounded (and incredible) claims that are easy to refute will create many enemies. That is exactly what you want. You will receive bonus points again if your ratings are on average around 2.5 / 5.
Tactic 5: Hide your most important information
Do your customers find it useful to contact you via your telephone number? Well, may I recommend, unless you want them to actually call you, hide your phone number 4 or 5 pages deeply? And if you have customers who regularly (for example, monthly) pay, it’s also great to bury the “cancel my account” feature.
People hate having to search for crucial business information, so this tactic is definitely worth it.
Tactic 6: Write everything according to search engines
“The best online content writing from the top 10 best content marketers always comes best from the best freelance copywriters”
Do you know what I mean by this sentence? No? That is completely normal, because I only wrote it for Google.
Your goal here is to get as much traffic as possible to your website. It doesn’t matter if it’s the wrong traffic. Google will like it, and your visitors will wonder what the hell you’re talking about. That’s what we’re after, right?
These were the six super tactics to get your visitors away from your website. Implement one of these suggestions and you have a certain degree of success … implement them all and you will damage your brand so quickly that you are looking for a new job on Monday.
* Disclaimer: Please do not do these things.
If you want to know how to create a fantastic website, in addition to applying the opposite of this article, you can go here and there.